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| Love In The Autumn Of Life |
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| Society might not approve, but older singles deserve a partner like any one else |
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IN THE desi cycle of life theres no real time for romance. We have our priorities charted out for us the day we are born, and they almost never include love. When we are in school, we are told to concentrate on our studies. In college its the career thats supposed to take precedence. Once we are in a job getting our livelihood jump-started. The next thing you know is that you to find ourselves a marriage material keeping all those romantic thoughts at bay. Why? To make sure that you dont get carried away and go wrong. After the passage of matrimony is complete, the in-laws give us the nudge nudge on their desire to have grandchildren. So we become fruitful and multiply, and then our kids become the be-all and end-all of our lives and we start the cycle again, passing on those same values.
Best time for romance
So when is the best time to bathe in the glow of romance? Is it after all our responsibilities have been taken care of? After the career has been spun and the kids successfully reared, it makes perfect sense to indulge in a little lovin. If you happen to be a single parent, either widowed or divorced, would it be so wrong to look for companionship? According to our society, it is. ...very wrong. "The thought of my mum falling in love with some uncle is just yuck," exclaimed Priyanka Khosla, a college student whose parents have been divorced for 10 years. "I cant imagine my mum having some kind of romance-I mean shes a mum, shes supposed to be taking care of her kids and not running around trees with some guy." Unfortunately, such is the opinion of many children of single parents: Their mum or dad should sacrifice the rest of their lives taking care of them. Romancing the new lover is a waste of time!
Pyaar Mein Twist
In the recent movie. Pyaar Mein Twist, Dimple plays the woman of today-gracefully handling the demands of her family as well as her profession. Despite successfully fulfiling her duties in all quarters of her life, once she falls in love with Rishi Kapoor her daughter and potential son-in-law start raging about how inappropriate, unsettling and disgusting their affair is. "Its ridiculous," cries Manju Mohan angrily, a single mother working at an MNC. "Just because my husband isnt around anymore, does that mean Im doomed to living a single, lonely life with no companionship or love? What did I do to deserve that? I work hard, my children have been brought up beautifully, "so why should society and every-one else look down on me like Im a freak for seeking love?" Kishore Saraf, a relationship counsellor and psychiatrist, poses some possible explanations for the dearth of understanding in the realm of older romance. He avers, "There are various reasons. Most parents drill it into their childrens heads that falling in love is bad and against the family tradition. When that child grows up to find that his/her parent has gone and fallen in love, his/her is bound to revolt "
Jealousy is the key
The main reason for misunderstanding, however, is the green monster-jealousy. Most children are afraid that they will stop being the apples of their parents eyes now that someone else has come to replace them. "Children are so used to being the centre of their parents attention and love, that once someone new comes in, their position is threatened, and they wonder whether that parent may run off with his/her lover on a whim and abandon them," explains Saraf, "Though this feeling is irrational, its perfectly normal, and weve all experienced it in some way in our life." And of course, theres the step parent syndrome. Nobody wants to see a parent replaced by a new potential. To tackle this, the parent must be truthful and let their children know that they are loved and cared for and neednt feel insecure. "Honesty is of great importance. Kids are extremely astute and can sense things and if their parents lie or are evasive about it, they get even more worried," says Saraf.
Parents also need love
Saraf further clarifies, "As young kids, we keep our parents on a pedestal-as God-like pristine beings who are infallible.
"Part of growing up is recognising that our parents are human beings with feet of clay, subject to feelings like love, jealousy, loneliness. Our parents are like us, just older and maybe a little wiser. We should wish the same things for them, that we wish for ourselves companionship, happiness and love."
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